Losing a loved one, an unborn child, going through a failed IVF treatment cycle is the most devastating thing anyone can go through.

It’s even worst when the people you reach out to comfort you, say the wrong things unknowingly this can break one’s heart further.

The reality of grief is that it has no end date on how far you can recover, for some people it takes a long time and for others they get on like nothing has happened. Let’s remember to give some grace to those who seems to be grieving for a long time.

I totally get that people mean well and sometimes say the wrong thing when they mean to say the right thing.

As someone who has loss both parents, gone through multiple failed IVF treatments, here are a few things to not say to a person experiencing loss.

Never Say These To A Person After A Loss:

• Everything happens for a reason: As much as we can all say that things happen for a reason, it’s the last thing a person grieving wants to hear.
• At Least you have not yet met your baby: Trying to conceive a baby is hard work; whether natural or through assisted fertility. Every treatment comes with a cost, injections and tears. The same goes for seeing a monthly period.
• Thank God it’s happening now and not towards the end.
• At least your mom/dad got to see you go through life.
• It’s all part of God’s plan.
• You’ve had all the time to deal with your grief, why is it taking long for you to recover? Let’s remember everyone grieves differently, and some people need a much longer time.
• If you know a person who has experienced a miscarriage or failed IVF treatment, avoid suggesting surrogacy or adoption methods. ( Let them decide what they think is best for them).

What to Say To A Person After A Loss:

By saying something like this can give an assurance that you’re showing up for them:

• I am so sorry for your loss.
• I’ll be thinking of you, let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
• I’ll say a word of prayer for you ( For the religious ones).
• I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through.
• If ever you need a listening ear, do let me know, and I’ll be happy to comfort you by just listening.
• Sending flowers/ food is also a gesture that you are thinking of them.

The above is one of the easiest things you can say to a person who is grieving.

These words are comforting, and the person would always remember how kind you were.

I hope this gives some idea on what not to say to the person who is grieving.

What are some of your never say words to a person after a loss? Let me know in the comments.

GRIEF life Loss